Yes, I’m not ashamed to admit I reached breaking point last week. As with so many things in life when there are all sorts of events continually piling up day after day you arrive at a place where you just have to stop. I couldn’t continue in that vein any more, there is only so long you can survive until you burn out, and burn out emotionally, physically and mentally I did.
It was the universe telling me I needed to stop, take a break and put myself first.
Now putting yourself first is an interesting one because there is a balance that needs to be found. My most predominant role is as a home maker at the moment (alongside writing, advocating for epilepsy, volunteering, preparing to start a business (once I can work) and studying) plus I’m getting married a week Sunday. One of the greatest privileges of my life is that I get to look after the house, the chores that go with that and I get to take care of my beau. Yes, I used the word privilege and I can hear the gasps from the staunch feminists out there who must think my ideals very backwards – how could I possibly get enjoyment from these things?! Yes, I may have old fashioned values but I’m a modern woman at the same time. However, as far as I’m concerned my family and family life comes first. As an fyi, homemaking is highly underrated!
After a stern talk from the person who possesses the greatest amount of wisdom I know (yup, that would be my mum), whilst I was a little surprised at the insistence of her instructions, I felt I really should take heed. Unsurprisingly, she was spot on; after all, she is the person who knows me best.
So, as I write this I am in Vancouver and I am sat at a desk in my room in a hotel. I am in a hotel that is not where I live and I am in a city which isn’t my home. I am totally on my own and I am completely devouring the solitude I’m immersed in. That was the magical key. Oh and yes and I have indulged.
A friend, who was unable to make my bachelorette travelled up with me and we went to a spa treating ourselves to a massage and a foot reflexology session and it was heaven.
I’m not someone who would normally up sticks and embark on such a decadent trip, oh and by decadent I mean I’m staying at a Holiday Inn before you get too excited by my escapades! A pat on the back to me though because this hotel room really is top notch, but in all seriousness, it is decadent for me because there has never been an excess supply of money to be able to invest in such luxury really ever but as it’s my wedding, savings ahoy! Aside from that though, I’ve been spending time at the US Consulate organizing visas so there is a purpose in this trip. Normally this would have worked out with me sleeping on very generous friend’s couches and floors but my instructions were such that as I am getting married I therefore push the boat out a little and relax, so hotel with spa and here I am.
What I’ve been reminded of is solitude is so important. Whilst I could be writing at home and I can relax at home, there are always distractions; I could/should be doing something. There are dishes to wash, laundry to do, I really should do the housework, I need to complete this or organize that, the list is endless. Here in my hotel room there is nothing of mine except a small blue suitcase with my clothes, toiletries and shoes. It’s just me, myself and I. That’s what I needed, to find peace in solitude and to just let go.
I am not for one moment saying I will be doing this once a week as it is certainly not required. However, with numerous months of stress having built up, it reached a crescendo and I had to take action, I’m just grateful someone knew what action to take as this certainly wouldn’t have been my first thought!
With the time being 6:30pm, I’m now thinking about dinner, perhaps a little Thai food as a treat. I check out for home tomorrow but not before another massage and some foot reflexology to prepare me for the train journey home. I shan’t feel guilty about it because I have a loving future husband to go back to who I am going to take care of and love like he wouldn’t believe – the bonus? He’s going to appreciate it more because I am calm and have a much greater amount to give him.