The Power of Guilt

 

A couple of days ago I read a beautifully written blog post by a writer whose content was very thought provoking and easy to relate to.  Ironically, he covered a similar area on a topic that I had intended to write about.  However, the original idea sprouted new buds and here it has flowered.  So friends, read on…

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Orca Island

Last weekend with the stresses of my beau’s work it was time for a few days of peace and quiet.  We decided to remove ourselves far from the everyday chaos and responsibilities.  I say ‘us’ but there is always an inward guilt saying ‘us’.  I don’t and have never had a high powered job.  I don’t believe you can undertake a job of that magnitude unless you love it despite the difficulties that are interspersed.  The latter is a web to be untangled at another time AND in another blog post!

On moving to Seattle I had to decide what I would dedicate my time to.  As you know my hands are tied with regards visa status so it’s been my opportunity to contribute to the community in some way.  With writing the blog and marketing my ‘product’ I’ve had to be proactive.  After all I’m sure we all know nothing ever just falls into our lap you have to get up, get out there and make yourself known.  Because of this, you have to be prepared for rejection as well as having the ability to get up and figure out other means in hope of success.

Having worked in the marketing sector whilst in England, I know how at times it can feel like you’re bashing your head against a brick wall.  I have been fortunate here.  I’ve developed my writing which I wouldn’t have done if I didn’t love it.  I created a photographic project which was exhibited at an art gallery as a fundraiser and have been involved in a short film alongside fostering plans and schemes for the future.  This is where the advocacy has taken me.

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With that as only part of my life I have other everyday tasks to fulfill and they are the monotonous ones that everyone has to knuckle down and get on with.  My perception of it removes the ‘monotony’ associated with those tasks and over the years I have grown to thoroughly enjoy doing them.  Cleaning; I crank my music up, sing (terribly!), and boogie on down.  I then take great satisfaction that the taps in my bathroom are shiny.  That’s always been one of my ‘things’ and that’s why bathrooms are my favorite to clean.  Cooking is yet another way to be creative.  Normally I just fly by the seat of my pants, throw things in and hope for the best but that aside, with one of my playlists or friends to accompanying me, my therapy session begins.

I do a lot of research covering a variety of topics too.  Now I’m sewing away on my machine I’m scouring books to create crafty items that could be sellable in the future.  I’m also investigating the hows and ifs of beginning a small business and all that that would involve.  Despite the fact I’m not in a ‘regular’ job what I am doing is important, fulfilling and time consuming. This is where the guilt comes in.  I wonder if saying ‘I need a break’ is a statement that is appropriate for me to make.

When I reread my words describing the elements of which my life is comprised, along with the addition of dealing with the epilepsy in its current unpredictable state I do have the right to say yes, I do deserve a break. It gives my body a chance to recharge from what my days contain and the stress that it continues to be under.  It is the wise owl, (Prudence in fact) who sits on my shoulder to regularly remind me of this.

The greatest injustice you can do is to compare yourself with others.  If you want a quick way to lose some of your self-worth and self-confidence that is exactly what you do.  By comparing yourself with others your vision becomes distorted and you lose sight of the amount of accomplishments you hold in your life.

This has always been my downfall.  Another valid point to add is that appearances can be deceptive.  By looking at somebody else’s life and taking it at face value, you will find more often than not what you see isn’t what is real.  Many of us are professionals at changing personas so that what we project isn’t what we or our lives really are.

So remember, the two greatest attributes you can possess are being true to yourself and being kind to others as you never know what battles people are fighting.

 

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