Through Chaos Comes Clarity

UOL

Have you ever had that feeling of knowing what you have but not knowing quite what to do with it?  Like you’re going round in circles or walking blindly through a fluffy cloud but not quite sure what’s next?  I can practically guarantee that everyone has been in this situation at least once in their life and now it’s my turn.

I’ve always been a multi-tasker, a ‘jack of all trades but master of none’ and to be honest that’s just how I like it.  I’ve had the opportunity to do so many things in my life; from traveling to working abroad, experiencing different cultures and their people but most importantly having a diverse content of life.

I have never been one of those people who went to university followed with a possible gap year and on to a job which becomes a life-long career.  In some ways I admire those people very much.  They have a strong education behind them and know exactly what they want to do.  That’s not me.  It wasn’t ever me.  It doesn’t mean that because I haven’t opted for that route that my life hasn’t been as rich or as meaningful as those that have.  In fact on reflection, I did go to university; it was the University of Life.  I will continue to attend this university each year until my dying day and relish the thought of being able to study with a passion.  However, each person has dreams and goals and they will all be individual because we are all so individual.

I am proud of the richness in my life, the opportunities and events that have arisen carrying me gently along the way or in some cases, shoved!  But one thing that tends to happen every now and again is that I get into a funk.  A funky cloud of funkiness which has me unsure of what I should do with all that’s at my fingertips.  The time has come to brainstorm or for those that prefer, a spider chart.

Issues of confusion always look different written on paper than how they appear in our head.  At this stage I’ll be attempting to figure it out as it wizzes round inside my head.  I am a very thoughtful person and I wear my heart on my sleeve; therefore, it is always very obvious when I am lost in thought.  So, when living with someone as I do, you both get to know what makes your prospective other tick.   As I go about my business my beau will always ask what’s up.  My answer is normally, ‘Oh I’m just thinking’.  Now those four words simple as they may seem create a slight rolling of the eyes and a, ‘Oh no you’re thinking again?  You think too much’ look.  It is then that he more often than not retreats into his man cave, probably more for safety than anything else. Unpredictability does make this a safe option!

Baby

If I can’t untangle the confusion on my own then it’s off to seek out some lucky fellow who I deem suitable for the job.  It’s always helpful to chat with someone else as they will see it from a different angle.  Seeing it through someone else’s eyes can be the next step toward the resolve. But, unfortunately, that’s not always the case.  So, armed with the advice of the chosen friend, confidant or family member, it is choice as to whether to run with the advice or not.  I have to say, it is rare that I will need to go that step further.  Normally, I take it away and ponder on it deciding whether I can use it or not.  In some circumstances it will be the springboard to reaching the clarity I am looking for.  The only other situation which I have to say does happen more often than not is that upon thinking and trying to figure it all out, I subconsciously put it ‘out there’ wherever that may be.  However, this is never a bad thing because so often my answer is presented to me and I find the predicament fixed and I am fixed.

These situations so often bring frustration, helplessness, annoyance and a lack of patience!  I am so used to these occurrences it simply becomes, ‘Ahhh okay so what’s it going to be this time and how long do I have to ride this one out?’  The annoyance has never decreased though despite all the occasions this has happened!

So, in essence, I’m hoping this funk doesn’t continue for too long.  In the meantime, I will exude the trust which I try hard to carry with me and know that I will be taken care of – eventually!

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