A Beautiful Mess

Freya

Hello my fellow Finding Freedom followers!

I have returned from my ‘tropical rehab’ and there are no words to describe just how beautiful the island of Kauai is.  Without entirely detaching myself from the techno world I was accompanied by my phone.  Ideally I would have preferred to be completely cut off from the real world but it materialized that it was actually useful.

During the week my brain has overflowed with thoughts and ideas.  The content is scrambled in my head and I seek to find the thread to begin slowly undoing the chaos!

mess

Despite taking a pad and pen with me that I now know to be old school (!); I have discovered yet another extremely handy application on my phone.  I can’t help but feel a mild annoyance at how useful these things can be!  It would seem I am being whipped along with the current that is the present to future.    I found with all these notions arriving at the speed of light, my hands simply couldn’t keep up with their rapid appearance.  As I sat on a lounger by the pool under the flawless blue sky with nothing but the slender palm trees blowing gently in the breeze, the invaluable ‘colornote’ application saw me writing furiously snippets of potential blogs, thoughts and feelings deriving from the depth of my being.

Encouraged to enter the 21st Century by my beau, he lent me a kindle.  It has predominantly resided on my bedside cabinet accumulating dust.  I love turning the pages of a book, its smell and the ability to refer to previous pages if need be.  Ready as I was with my three books (yeah right as if I was going to read three books, I’m the slowest reader going!), he turned to me and asked me if it was not easier to take the kindle and save room in my luggage.  As much as I wanted to dance up and down and say it makes more sense to take books I knew I couldn’t because he was right.  He informed me that there were many free books to download onto the kindle.  As I probed into what is the size of an ocean and named Amazon, I trawled the many pages looking for inspiring books that were actually substantial in content.  There was book after book of cheesy romance which doesn’t appeal to me at all.  I want something to get my teeth into, to make me think, evaluate and stimulate my brain but it became a case of; next – next – next – next! That was until I came across, ‘Trees Tall As Mountains’ by Rachel Devenish Ford.  This book jumped off the page short of slapping me in the face!  She is a woman who at that time had blogged for eight years and has since written a number of books. She seemed interesting, I thought it should be a good read and hey, maybe I’d learn a thing or two!

I could not put it down.  Any opportunity to read I would  learning more of how she had chosen to live and making me aware of what is important in mine.  I considered what constitutes a fulfilling life and what is achievable.  She proclaimed not to be anything other than who she is and writes with an invigorating honesty.  It reminded me of how dangerous it is to look at another’s life and see what appears to be wonderful, for when you delve into the dustiest corners you will find this is rarely the case and encourages dissatisfaction with one’s own life.

I was totally taken with the simplicity of this woman’s existence.  To read of the pleasure she receives from her children and life despite her battle with depression and anxiety; the unbreakable bond she has with her soul mate; the solidity of her family unit and living in community with all the responsibility which it brings yet finding time to write.

I began to feel the prickles of reflection emerging.  Reflecting upon the life I have led, where it has taken me, how I have loved all aspects of my existence, what it has offered in its entirety and being supplemented with appreciation or in some cases not.  Hindsight provides an opportunity for thankfulness but makes no judgment if it is by-passed at the time.  It’s about the wisdom of realizing what that situation is presenting you with irrespective of whether it’s postponed or achieved in the moment.

This gave me a sense of renewed security in writing in the style that I do.  It’s safe to reveal experiences, feelings and thoughts which are felt on a daily basis.  These experiences joyful and otherwise are not transcribed onto my forehead but if people wish, they are out there with a choice to be read .

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